Back to Endora
by Lip Balm
Summary: [What's Eating Gilbert Grape] Gilbert, Arnie and Becky go back to Endora for Arnie's 20th birthday. Now Finished.
1. Good Bye Endora

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I'm a Johnny Depp fan. Can you tell? No? No matter, then. Onto the story. 

Lip Balm 

…

Endora_. Describing Endora is like dancing to no music. It's a town where nothing much ever happens and nothing much ever will._ **_Endora is just Endora now, shrinking in the horizon._**

Gilbert Grape sat comfortably on the leathery surface of the chairs, staring intently out of the dirt smudged windows as the vehicle jerked on the gritty road. There was Endora. There was Amy, and Ellen, Tucker and Mr. Lamson. There was Momma, all of them shrinking in the distance. All specks of dust that matched the dirt road and the gravel. He raised a hand, hesitating before waving it good bye. 

__

Endora. Endora. 

"No, not good bye, Gilbert," Arnie said next to him, patting Gilbert on the back with that familiar lopsided grin. "It's good night. Goodnight Endora." 

**__**

… 

****

One year later…

I'm happy here, Gilbert thought to himself, settling down comfortably on the grass. Arnie sat a few feet away from him, digging happily into a plate of potato salad. _My brother Arnie is about to turn twenty. Twenty…I think he's happy here. I can hear him laughing in the background, chasing the butterflies and climbing the trees. His birthday is coming around soon, and Becky and I are planning on a surprise party. Becky…she's so beautiful."_

"Gilbert," Becky said, interrupting his thoughts with a slight grin. "Gilbert, are you there?" 

Gilbert Grape twisted his head around, nodding and smiling reassuringly. He saw Arnie run towards a gnarled tree, climbing it in a nimble fashion, and sitting comfortably on a large branch. His face was smudged with forgotten marks of dirt and dust, an ant crawled up from the bark of the tree onto his hand. 

"Are you thinking about something?" Becky asked. Again that smile. "What was it?"

"Endora," Gilbert said simply, and then paused before continuing. "Arnie. Birthdays…You." 

Gilbert gazed at her for a second, blinking as the flies buzzed lazily around his eyes and ears. Jumping out of his thoughts once more, he lied back, resting his elbows on the soil underneath him. He felt a twig snap below his weight and looked up once more at Becky. Again, that smile. 

"Tell me what you want as fast as it comes to you," Becky asked. Gilbert remembered this question quite clearly in his head, the question that had troubled his mind. He didn't want anything. He didn't want nothing. He wanted everything, nothing. Nothing. Everything. Nothing. Everything. So much it was so little. Nothing. Nothing. EVERYTHING. 

"I…I want a good party for Arnie. I want…I want to buy you that new summer dress you wanted. I want Endora," Gilbert said quickly, avoiding eye contact. Peeking up from the grass blade that looked ever so interesting only a few moments ago, he met Becky's gaze. "I want Arnie's party to be in Endora."

Becky opened her mouth to speak and clamped it shut again. Without a word, she bobbed her head and pointed towards the sky as if it were to answer. 

Paints of violets and gold cascaded and melted down to the earth like a mass of shooting stars, and hit the soil and the glistening lake in a matter of minutes. The sunset was magnificent, as it always was on the open road.

"We should probably start cleaning up," Becky said, picking up the scattered crumbs on the red picnic table and throwing them on the ground for the ants to feast. 

"Where's Arnie?" a voice echoed from behind them. "Say it, where's Arnie?"

Becky and Gilbert exchanged smiles as they placed a hand over their eyes and looked in the opposite direction of the gnarled tree. Shrieks of happiness echoed from behind them, and following came a few loud claps.

"I wonder where he could be."

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…

Review, please. :] Next chapter soon. I am only updating two stories as of current times. 


	2. Two million

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Sorry for the delay mates, but here's the second chapter to Back to Endora. 

Lip Balm

…

Night had fallen, the tinkling of several pipe wind-chimes echoing throughout the barren fields of no where, thin, whip-like grass blades hitting Gilbert's calves as he walked to a nearby lake. The water was cool, peaceful like a slumber and clear with settled grains of sand. Slowly peeling off his socks, he placed a foot inside the shallow water and then immediately jumped in, the water spraying into his face.

Nowhere land was beautiful, where the sunsets met the west in the melting butter horizon and steamed off into morning by a blink. The trees were real, planted by mother natures sweeping fingers, perfect for Arnie to climb on and hold onto. It was silent. _I'm happy here_, Gilbert thought, sitting in the water with a pair of pants on. _Happy. Arnie's happy here. Becky's happy here. I'm happy here. _

The waters stilled around him as he stared off into the darkening corners of the lake. Arnie was fast asleep inside the RV, Becky slumbering peacefully in their bed. Tomorrow, they would drive off into who-knows-where and then it would start again. The meeting of new people, the shaking of stranger's hands, the look Arnie got when he shrieked with happiness and stuffed his mouth with food or jumped arou…

"Gilbert…" 

He turned around, surprised that Becky was behind him, in the sweeping, summer dress that he had given to her for her birthday. "What are you doing up?"

Gilbert smiled, and got up from his sitting position, fingers pruned and wet from the minutes of contemplating in the middle of water. He grabbed her by his waist and kissed her, dragging her into the water. The bottom parts of her dress were soaked and began to float and skid across the lake. He finally pushed her into the shallow parts of the lake and ran as fast as he could away from her.

She doubled over with laughter, splashing Gilbert with all her might. Becky chased him, pausing once or twice to breathe from laughing so hard. Finally, stomachs aching, the two settled on the shore of the lake, still soaked but content. 

He turned to her, smiling, "I hate water."

"Yeah?" She smiled, folding up her knees and wrapping arms around them. 

His faced turned grim as he draped an arm around her shoulders, keeping her warm from the draft that was currently non-existent. After a paused he said, "I'm not happy here."

She looked at him, eyebrows knitted. "Why?" She asked, confused. 

"I mean, I am happy here, with you." He raised his eyes to the sky, dark eyes staring up at the liquid blue in front of him. "I…just. I don't know."

Becky leaned her head against his shoulder and stood silent. 

****

…

The morning was cold, like a rude awakening to Gilbert. Clouds drearily hanging in large clumps of gray . Arnie had acted as if nothing had ever phased him, and continued to pick up ants from the ant homes and place them in trees. 

"Good morning," Gilbert said tiredly, pouring himself a glass of orange juice. 

"Good morning Gilbert, Good morning," Arnie exclaimed cheerfully, sitting on the ground. Looking over at Becky, Gilbert gave a small smile and then turned to Arnie once more.

"Arnie," Gilbert spoke softly. "You're going to turn twenty soon. And Becky and I would love it for you to celebrate your birthday..in Endora. With Amy and Mr. Lamson..and.."

"And Momma?" 

His gaze softened, "Yes Arnie, and Momma. She'll be with you right here." He pointed to his heart; Arnie placed a hand upon it.

"Are we leaving soon Gilbert? How many minutes?"

"Two million, Arnie," He playfully ruffled his hair and then picked up his bowl of cereal.

"Two minutes, Gilbert?"

"Two days." Becky smiled.

"Two days…" Arnie echoed. "I have to, I have to say good bye, Gilbert. Good bye trees.." 

Arnie's birthday was nearing soon, like the dawn of the next day, shining a glorious light and touching the horizon like a waters lap. _Twenty, twenty years old. Back to Endora, shimmering in it's glory, a visit and talk of silent eyes would bring smiles like no other. To Gilbert, to Arnie to Becky…To Momma. **You're my knight in shimmering armor, Gilbert. **_

Gilbert closed his eyes, washing the dishes and allowing the soap bubbles to hit against his face gently, butterfly kisses. He could hear Becky making the bed from behind him, Arnie still slurping at his cereal.

****

You're my night in shimmer armor.

He wondered if anyone else thought so.

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…

Review please. :] Sorry the update took so long. :D Don't kill me! 


	3. Reminiscing

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After much delay, here it is. Sadly, my spelling and grammar in the last chapter was completely off. Apologies. 

Lip Balm

…

There it was. Like looking in the distance with the wrong side of a spy glass. Arnie had spotted it before he did, pointing out the exact location where they first met Becky. Gilbert had been thinking about it for too long, the aging houses lingering in the back of his mind like a meshing gray photo. Faces like blurred trees, swiping by as the days droned on. The once familiar voices, the buzz of mosquitoes when the sun fell.

Everything was dissolving, and he wanted to see it one more time. One more time before deciding. _Did he love Endora more than he loved the world? _

"There it is, Gilbert. There it is," Arnie exclaimed happily, finger jutting out of the window. He clutched at Gilbert's shoulders and nudged him. 

Gilbert could not speak. His mouth was clamped shut like a tight lipped mouse trap. _Why is this so hard? _Gilbert thought. _Why is this so difficult? I've wanted to come back here for ages. _Swallowing his stone face and stocky mood, he cracked a small smile reassuringly and then pressed on the pedal, allowing the RV to trudge ahead.

It had not changed. _Surprise surprise. _It had not changed in the slightest bit. He passed by Mr. Lamson's grocery store with effort, eyes peering into beyond the road. _It was the same. _The dust clotted road leading to the door looked as if it had not met a gust of wind or a sweep in ages, the counter in the center the same shade of the murky depth. He rode on, looking up at the water tower in remembrance.

**__**

I know a boy who's name is Arnie..He's about to turn 18 and have a big party. Gilbert had held the megaphone over his mouth and then sighed. **Will I always be looking up at water towers my whole life?**

Passing by a familiar road, Gilbert looked out of the window, finding not a house that held his footprints, his fingerprints, his first words, but rather, a mound of dirt. A mound of orange dirt that sifted this way and that at the slightest wind movements. 

He passed by the growing, modern Food Land, the rickety homes, the same children out playing ball. Gilbert turned around to face Arnie, only to find his face scrunched, splotched red and with spilling eyes.

"Where's home, Gilbert?" He whined.

He opened his mouth to speak but found that his throat had closed up, words leaving him. Endora was just as it had been when they left. Endora would forever be the town of memories, the town of foundation, the town of forgotten campfires and songs, the town of life and death. Nothing more. 

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Just as it had been. Always.

"Arnie…" Gilbert let that word filter through the air. "Endora is the same as we left it. See ol' Barney and Johnny Smith over there? And Mr. Lamson's and the water tower…"

"No," Becky interrupted and placed a hand on Gilbert's arm. Gilbert jumped slightly, he had almost forgotten that she was beside him. "Gilbert…what's missing?"

Arnie was beginning to whine now, thrashing about and wrenching at invisible phantoms. Trying desperately to make the pictures in his mind into words. 

"Where's… Where's.."

"Momma," Becky and Arnie said together.

"Momma…" Gilbert echoed. "And Amy and…"

Gilbert stopped, nodding understandingly before circling around a dusty road and driving steadily to a nearby grocery store for directions. **He felt like a stranger. **Staring out into the road, he felt an icy hand tighten around his heart, reminding Gilbert that he belonged no where.

__

He had thought that Endora was a prison, binding him to a town where everything was a sickening jest. However, complete freedom was a shackle, weighing him down to below the earth's core. He felt like a selfish swine, hitting realization with a sudden thought.

**__**

It's not about me. It's about Arnie. It's about Becky. It's about Endora. It's about Arnie's goddamn 20th birthday. That's why we're here. That's why we came to Endora. 

And though he repeated the foreign words in his mind, he felt nothing but nausea, knowing that those words were **wrong. **

…

Ooh. Gilbert going through some trauma here .I don't blame him. All his life he's been caring for everyone but himself. And now he feels sickened by the thought that he's done something..for himself! What will happen next? I honestly don't know. But I'm on it! [Puts on detective hat]

Until next time! Reviews are splendid. :] 


	4. Reunion

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Sorry for the delay, once again.

Lip Balm

…

He couldn't do it. Gilbert couldn't bring himself to knock on that battered, splintering door and put on a smile and say hello. _Hello. How are you? Wonderful. Need any help around the house? Why I left Endora? I..don't know. Why didn't **you** leave Endora? Why I'm back? Because I wanted to come back. Why? Because I'm not happy. I'm not happy. So, what's for dinner? _

And so he didn't knock. 

Instead, Gilbert stood dumbly on the doorstep until Arnie hopped out of the RV with Becky's hand in his and thumped on the chipping board of wood with a grimy fist. 

The door swung open and all Gilbert could manage was a meek, "Hello." And then he promptly shut his mouth before saying something like, "You look like you've aged 30 years, Amy." Or "You look like a clown with that make up on, Ellen." 

Becky smiled politely as Amy and Ellen rushed to Arnie, encircling their arms around them and kissing his cheeks, never mind the dirt. Arnie hugged them back with the same enthusiasm, jumping quickly into the house and scaring away a brown spotted dog.

Gilbert shifted his weight uncomfortably. "It hasn't changed much." He said softly. 

"What hasn't?"

There was a pause. "Endora." Becky slipped her hand into Gilbert's and looked up at him. He looked exhausted and old, as if he had the world on his shoulders and was sagging underneath all the weight. 

"God, what a surprise," Amy said with a cheerful smile. "But we're glad you're here. You too Becky. Arnie's grown so much." Her lips were stretched into a large, silly grin. "God, what a surprise." 

She led them to the shabby living room where they sat in the sunken couch. The walls were slightly discolored, the furniture scruffy and mismatched, the floorboards covered in tacky rugs and the lights dim and yellow. He could hear Ellen and Arnie laugh loudly to a television show. 

__

Looks just like home. Gilbert thought silently. _Great. _Becky brushed away a lock of auburn hair from his cheek and planted a kiss at the base of his neck. Gilbert smiled and squeezed her hand. _God she's beautiful. _

A barrel shaped man suddenly walked into the living room. His arms were large and thick, his legs like tree trunks and his hair was untamed and wild. 

"Hello," He said, before flicking off a piece of unidentified food from his flannel shirt. "You must be Gilbert. My name is Chad Mellin." 

Chad extended a brawny hand and shook Gilbert's vigorously. Becky grinned courteously, Chad beamed with picket fence teeth and Gilbert massaged his aching hand with a thin lipped smile. 

---

Chad was Amy's husband. And he was a construction worker who helped build Food Land, something he seemed rather proud of. Gilbert watched him masticate his food, scrutinizing over his powerful jaw mutilate a string bean or some ham. Becky seemed to be doing the same thing, only Arnie was more interested in the floral pattern of the tablecloth. 

"I'm Amy Mellin now," Amy said, spooning another scoop of mashed potatoes onto Arnie's plate. She laughed shrilly as Ellen rolled her eyes. "Get it? Amy Grape. Amy Mellin?" 

Gilbert smiled weakly, not knowing what to say. _What's there to say? Amy Mellin? Swell. _

Instead he forced a bitter laugh. "Amy Mellin," He repeated, as if mulling over a witty joke. "Amy Mellin." 

Gilbert continued to watch Chad chew on his food, wondering if vegetables lived better lives than he did. 

****

…

"A party?" Amy asked in a hushed whisper. "For Arnie? That's a great idea." She seemed excited, as if that were the most interesting thing that had happened since many years. Perhaps it was. Perhaps her wedding happened while the whole world was asleep. Amy began to scribble furiously onto a napkin. 

Gilbert and Becky nodded, "We'll help with everything. Just let us know."

"Hmm? Sure, sure." Amy's eyes still stood fixated on her rapidly moving pencil. "Give me a minute." Gilbert stared down at the napkin, she was already writing down a cake recipe. 

"Don't you want to run it by Chad?" 

"..Hmm? He'll be okay with it. Of course he'll be okay with it."

****

…

"I am not okay with this, Amy." Gilbert listened to them bicker loudly through the paper thin walls, his arms crossed behind his head and Becky nestled into his side. 

"What do you mean you're not okay with this? His birthday is a week away. This is your brother in law." Amy's shrill voice sounded throughout the living room, making Becky fidget slightly. 

"Look at the kid, Amy. Look at him," Chad roared.

"What do you mean by that?! I have looked at him. I saw him grow right before my eyes, Chad. Lower your voice, they're asleep."

There was a pause and then Chad's considerably lower voice wafted into the room, "Are you telling me that you don't see him as any different from you and I?"

"Any different?" Amy's tone was slightly choked. "He is my brother, Chad. How can you think that way. How can you."

There was a lengthening sigh from the room across from the living room. "He is turning twenty, Amy. Twenty. Yet he acts like a damned eight year old. It has nothing to do with you. Fine, we'll have the party. But what kind of people just show up in front of a doorstep and ask for food and hospitality."

"My family."

Chad snorted, "Alright, fine, you're family. Party it is."

"Stop acting like it has no affect on you, Chad. Just stop it," Amy retorted harshly. There was a drop of something heavy onto the ground, and then many stomping footsteps. 

"Where are you going?" Chad asked.

"I need to cook something," Amy whispered callously. 

****

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Hey there! This is chapter four of Back to Endora. There wasn't much plot in this chapter because I had to put in some major details for when I lead up to the climax. Hope you enjoyed all the same. :] 

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Review! 


	5. Invitations

**This is my escape, ladies and gents. This is what I love to do.**

**Lip Balm**

**…**

**Silver clouds that had once hung faint over Gilbert's head now drooped gray and heavy over his shoulders, stirring the air thick with mixed tension and worry. **Lines that had once etched into Amy's complexion evaporated and magically appeared on his, giving him the look of a haggard man with a secret greater than himself.

And as he watched Arnie, Amy, Ellen and Becky color in the invitations with foul smelling crayons, he knew. He knew that they did not care. He knew that they did not know. And he knew that he didn't want them to find out.

That I'm not here for Arnie. I'm not here for Amy. I'm not here for Ellen or Becky or Tucker. Gilbert swallowed hard, his own saliva burning his throat. _I'm here for me._

But yet he smiled reflexively, hugged warmly and spoke cheerily, only distant eyes giving away his true sorrows.

Gilbert leaned casually against a wall before walking to the rickety kitchen table and sitting down, picking up a blue crayon and coloring in an oblong shaped balloon. Arnie tittered wildly, coloring in his own balloon of a multitude of meshing colors.

The house was warm and gave him a sense of security, and it was only when Chad and Amy were around together that he felt a bubbling uncertainty inside of him. Chad's smile seemed too wide, Amy's words too kind, his eyes too cold, her hands too rigid.

"Gilbert? Are you okay?"

Gilbert looked up from his invitation, smiling, "Yeah." He picked up a yellow crayon and colored in the blocked words with great absorption.

No, Becky, He thought silently. _No._

…

He wanted to bury Arnie underneath the ground. Gilbert wanted to hide him far, far away where no jutting fingers would point in his way, no sly glances or sniggering giggles reached his ears. And sometimes he wished that Arnie would just _know. Know _that he was being laughed at. _Know _that he was supposed to feel small. But he couldn't.

And so instead, Gilbert took the pain. So Arnie would be happy.

Gilbert parked in front of Mr. Lamson's grocery and walked into the building with Becky and Arnie, the familiar ringing noise of the front door echoing in the abandoned store. Mr. Lamson's familiar and lined face popped out from behind a door, a broad grin brightening his features.

"Gilbert? Gilbert, my boy! How have you been? It's so nice to see you." He took Gilbert's hand in his and shook it clumsily. "My, it's nice to see you. Why, Miss. Becky, you have blossomed into a beautiful young woman. Your hair is longer I see, it suits you." He also grabbed for Becky's hand and joggled her hand quickly.

"Are you two hung-"

Mr. Lamson stopped mid-sentence when he spotted Arnie at the doorway, eyeing a candy bar with a sly interest.

"Arnie?" Mr. Lamson said, his lips stretching wider. "Arnie, my dear boy, oh, how you've grown!" He wrapped his arms around him. "A man, you are, growing up fine, just like your older brother." Arnie stood oblivious to all manners of compliments and merely sneaked another glance at the chocolate bar.

"Hungry?" Mr. Lamson asked. "Hungry? Here, have the candy bar. No, two. I insist."

Becky laughed, "That's very kind of you."

Gilbert smiled weakly, "How's business, Mr. Lamson?"

His jovial facial expression died. "Not well, son." He said hoarsely. "Ever since the Missus passed on, I've never been able to manage this store like the old days." He fished a spotted handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed the corners of his eyes. "Cancer does no justice."

An awkward silence dragged on until Arnie broke the stillness by dropping a can of soup on the ground.

"Sorry," he said in a sing-song voice. "Sorry, sorry, sorry."

Mr. Lamson only smiled. "My, it's good to see you folks. Endora doesn't have many changes, you know. Hasn't changed a bit in the last twenty years. That's why we all love it though, right?" He laughed forcedly, pushing a few thin fingers through his thin hair.

Arnie laughed also, having no idea of what he said. "Here, Mr. Lamson," He said in the same sing-song tune. "Here." He thrust out the invitation with the multicolored balloons, impatiently wiggling it under his nose.

Mr. Lamson took the badly cut paper and answered without even glancing at it, "I'll be there."

Becky and Gilbert grinned, "Thank you."

As they turned to leave, Mr. Lamson spoke out. "Gilbert, will you be staying?"

"No sir," Gilbert said, running a hand through the ends of his hair. "We have to pass out more invitations.."

"I meant staying ..in Endora."

Gilbert hesitated before exhaling. "I don't know." He answered truthfully. _I don't know. _Shutting the ringing door behind him, Gilbert glanced over his shoulder to see the dark shadow of Mr. Lamson still standing a few feet away from the entrance, watching and waiting.

Watching and waiting for everyone to leave as they always did.

…


	6. Morose Party

Thanks for the wait. I've been working on my other fic [DFB] which is not going too well right now. :/ Tough luck.

Lip Balm

…

The wind lapped at the crimson and bleach checkered tablecloth, stirring up a few dead leaves onto the splintering picnic table. Gilbert stared out at the abandoned lawn, sliding an arm around Becky and hugging her thin body against his chest. Amy wrung her apron, gazing expectantly at the stretching road, waiting for the guests to come.

Gilbert, despite of his pained expression, felt a clamp unclench it's poisoned teeth around his heart. _Perhaps they won't come. _He hoped, immediately feeling a pang of guilt.

Arnie whooped excitedly, oblivious to the late company. "It's my birthday, everyone!" He cried cheerily, throwing his arms into the air. "My birthday. My birthday. I turn **twenty.**"

They all smiled reassuringly, eyes stuck to the descending, dusty road a head of them. Amy hopped slightly as she spotted a car come steadily over their way, heat waves expelling from the grimy windows. Another car pulled up behind that one, and another, then another.

Slowly they hauled over on the grassy lawn and brought out large containers of potato salads and gifts wrapped in pied paper. Almost immediately, laughter sounded in high-pitched, shrieking tones as children spun around in a game of pin the tale on the donkey and as adults sipped their iced tea and caught up on good times.

Arnie pulled out a few marbles and proudly displayed them to his friends, as they all awed over the luster of the colorful, round toys. Gilbert smiled weakly and grabbed Becky's hand, pecking a soft kiss on her lips before Mr. Johnson, a local car salesman engrossed him into a rather interesting conversation of money and stocks.

Happy birthday, Arnie, Gilbert silently thought, while watching Mr. Johnson's lips move. _Twenty. Twenty years old. **…when are you going to grow up? **_Gilbert winced internally, quickly denying his own musings and immediately occupying himself with the wonders of the stock market.

Gilbert politely excused himself from their dull conversation and gazed at the cheery children, spinning each other and then attempting to tag one another, only to double over with great bouts of laughter. Amy, with a stretching smile, brought out a chocolate cake strewn with twenty one candles. The children cheered at the magnificent sight, and the adults glanced at each other, clearly impressed.

And from no where, the rain fell.

Sheets of hard, cold liquid pounded on the pavement, only abruptly stopped by the tapping of sneakers as children ran into the house, shielding themselves with weak arms. Amy glared down at the ruined cake and hesitated before bounding off into the house herself. It had come from no where. It was as if God himself had turned his back onto this celebration.

Gilbert stood in the rain, letting the water sop into his jacket, his clothes, his _skin. _Water ran down his face, dousing his auburn hair, blinding him and not allowing him to breathe. An arm clutched at his, and he turned around reflexively.

"Arnie's gone," Becky shouted, her voice almost inaudible in the screaming rain.

Gilbert, without speaking, ran to the truck, socks squelching in his flooded shoes. **Silver clouds that had once hung feathery over his head split into two, pouring down great regurgitations of liquid, drenching him in all of his misery.**

…

He found Arnie at the water tower, about halfway up the looming ladder, soaked and shivering. Gilbert could barely see Arnie up there, and had to squint before he spotted a splotch of clothing on the aging, rusty tower. Thunder rumbled loudly, rattling Gilbert's insides, lightning striking in large cracks into the gray sky.

"Get down from there!" Gilbert frantically shouted, cupping his hands together though it had no effect. "Arnie. Get down from there!" Gilbert clenched his hands together, his nails digging into the fleshy part of his palm. And as he watched Arnie, unmoving, on that ladder, he felt something inside of him spark to life and explode. "Get down from there. Get down from there. Get down from there."

A great eruption occurred from deep inside of him until an animal like sound ejected from his mouth, making no sound in the pounding rain. He grabbed at his hair and doubled over onto his knees, face blotching into a multitude of red shades, his eyes squeezed shut in agony and mouth widely open, spewing no words but pure anguish.

He felt a soft pat of a vibration at his side, and he looked up at Arnie, standing next to the water tower, completely saddened in cold water.

Gilbert let go of his head and stood up, approaching Arnie and clenching onto his frail shoulders, shaking him wildly. "Why?!" Gilbert shouted, letting the single syllable reverberate in his mouth. "Why?! Why! Why.. Why..Why.." He shook Arnie harder still, clamping onto his clothes before sinking into the mud once more. Gilbery meekly shook Arnie's thin shoulders again, "Why, Arnie? Why."

Arnie, with terrified eyes, whimpered and softly whispered a slow, "Why, Gilbert? YOU why." And then he was off, running in a frantic motion, tripping over the slippery, slick mud once or twice before scampering clumsily on the route back home.

Gilbert pressed his eyes shut, letting the rain fall down on him as he rested his back against the water tower's pole, sliding down until his knees folded in front of him. He wrapped his arms around his legs and asked, one last time.

"Why.." And though he asked the howling wind, the striking lightning, the beating rain and the deafening thunder, Gilbert didn't hear one answer.

…

Hoped you liked. :] Review.


	7. Internal toil

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Keep reviewing. It's food for my soul. :]

Lip Balm

…

Arnie, after being drenched to the very skin of his bones, had developed a cough. A slight cough that immediately resulted to throaty sneezes, a running nose, burning fevers and swarming headaches. And as Gilbert watched a sweat soaked Arnie tossing underneath quilted blankets, he felt sick. As if someone had carved a neat circle from the pit of his stomach and replaced it with knotting ropes of guilt and shame. _I've done this to him._

Gilbert sat at the foot of the couch and let stringy tendrils of hair slither down the bridge of his nose, head aching and temples throbbing from clouding, brooding thoughts. Eyes closed, he listened to the echoing voices of Amy and Chad from the dimly lit hallway.

"He shouldn't have gone out by himself," Chad whispered harshly. "_He _should have been keeping watch."

"It wasn't Arnie _or _Gilbert's fault," Amy said anxiously. Gilbert could see her in his mind, wringing on her apron until her knuckles turned white. _Was that doubt in her voice?_

"All that boy needed was a good belting as a child," Chad snorted. "Now look at him. Climbing water towers and getting himself sick to the death."

Gilbert's ears perked up at the harsh accusations. Amy interrupted, "Chad, It's a mental disease." He sighed and let his head loll over his shoulder. _How he was tired of the monotonous conversations!_

Chad was apparently unmoved. "That stupid idiot of a boy would not have been such--"

"Do not speak of Arnie that way," Amy's vehemently whispered.

"I'm not," There was an unusual mirth in his voice. "I was talking about Gilbert." A pause. "He still acts like a child, Amy. Why should a child be in charge of a child, hm?"

Gilbert felt a sickening bubble in his stomach, and before he could retain any form of anger, he leapt to his feet and skidded his way into the dimly lit bedroom of Chad and Amy. Their heads turned, a look of astonish on their faces as Gilbert thrust a balled fist into Chad's blocky jaw before a single word was uttered.

Chad rubbed a calloused palm over his chin and laughed bitterly. "Eavesdropping. A horrible childish habit." Gilbert lowered his quivering arm and stepped away from the brawny man, nerves ticking away to the ends of his fingertips. The dragging silence was unbearable.

The looming bear of a man was colossal compared to the shorter, thinner one. Gilbert was sure that Chad could knock him out with one sweep of the arm, and he swallowed despite of himself, Adam's apple bobbing.

"Get out," Amy said in a low grumble. Gilbert and Chad both swiveled their heads to her direction. Chad smirked and pointed his finger to the doorway, motioning Gilbert to exit.

"I mean you, Chad," She said, and lowered her eyes to the mud green carpet. Gilbert's eyes widened as he watched the disbelieving man stare at the woman in doubt, his slacked jaw hanging with thread thin lips. Leering, Chad's mouth clamped shut with a loud click of his teeth, and begrudgingly he left the room. Another unearthly silence echoed throughout the house, interrupted by the shut of Chad's beat up truck door, the rumble of the engine and then the squeal of the tires. And he was gone.

"I.." Gilbert managed to squeeze out before shutting his jaws together also and leaving the room without a second thought.

****

…

****

The doctor was an old man with thinning hair and dull blue eyes. He carried with him a black case of medical supplies and rarely smiled, as if hovering around in his own cloud of misery. And despite of the shining weather and crisp air, the frown on his face only deepened when he saw Arnie balled into a quilted blanket, sweating and teeth chattering. An hour passed before he left the room.

Gilbert was the first to know.

"It won't be long before he passes away, son," The doctor said, face expressionless. Gilbert was lost for words, electricity jolting through his body. Instead, he swallowed his disbelieving thoughts. "Keep him warm, make him drink fluids. But I'm almost positive that it will be inevitable" When Gilbert said nothing, the doctor placed a cold hand on his shoulder.

"Death is regrettable," He said with a slight shake of his hand. "But he has lived ten years longer than anyone would have ever imagined." And he was gone as quickly as he had come.

Gilbert stared at where the doctor had been only seconds before, and then shifted his gaze to the pale and sickly Arnie in the pied quilt. _It was me. _He whispered softly. _I've done this to him. If only I had watched over him better, maybe.._

His thoughts were interrupted by a soft hand on his sweaty palm. Gilbert looked down at the dark haired Becky, and before he could say a word she wrapped her arms around his waist and let him do one thing that no one else had ever allowed. **He cried on her shoulder.**

"What do you want," Becky's voice was shaky and muffled. There was a deathly white silence before Gilbert, in an equally shaky voice, answered.

"I want him to live."

Becky hugged him tighter still in the eerily glowing room, before whispering, "It's not your fault, Gilbert."

And there was no response.

****

…

…Review. :] It'd make me happy?


	8. Goodnight

**Gilbert stared at the gray tombstone behind the freshly mounted soil and yellow flowers in front of them. **It was a small stone, anonymous and particularly plain, a direct paradox to the embodiment of Arnie. His eyes burned from staring at the indented name of his brother within the plane of speckled gray, but he remained still, only a few stray hairs causing him to blink despite his concentration.

_Arnold J. Grape. Arnold. J. Grape. Arnold J. Grape. _

A few scattered gathering of people uncomfortably watched from the sparse crowd, eyeing Gilbert with a look of pity. He gripped the inside of his pale palms, the sweat in his hands causing his fingers to slide across the textured plane.

He acknowledged their pity, but did not accept it. He wouldn't sink so low. The dark silhouette of Amy and Ellen and Becky standing like erected towers underneath a looming tree was a stark contrast to the painfully clear, beautiful day. Chad was, needless to say, not present.

Gilbert bent down and gripped the side of the tombstone firmly. He would bury Arnie here and now. He would bury Arnie now and for as long as he lived, because Gilbert knew that if he took one step with the guilt of Arnie's death tugging at his heart like an anchor, the weight would be enough to kill him.

_Listen Arnie, _Gilbert whispered and halted immediately. The words caught in his throat, causing a lump to form uncomfortably in his mouth. His tongue felt thick. His vision became blurry. _What to say._

A minute passed and the wind ruffled Gilbert's hair, the sound of laughter echoed in the caverns of his mind.

_It's not goodbye, Arnie, _Gilbert began slowly. _It's goodnight. _

He swallowed reflexively and pushed his sleeve against his eyes, dragging the tears across his face.

_Goodnight, Arnie. _

Gilbert unbent from his position and stepped forward on the matted, dewy grass. One foot in front of the other. Onward. Frontward. Smiling at the clearer faces of his family and loved ones in the distance, he felt a thick tangle of emotion unraveling inside of him. The wind blew delicately against his cheek.

Gilbert inhaled softly and replied,

_You shimmer and you glow._

**Fin. **

…

**Hope you liked it. I finally finished. Review please. (:**


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